Art, the Plan, and Pain

This was written in July 2017

I am sitting at my computer at 12:35 am on a Sunday morning.

I am feeling distressed due to the inability to participate in a local painting event through the Central Ohio Plein Air group.

At age 36 I still have anxiety about making the right choices. I am particularly sensitive as to whether God has approved or ordained my decision. Is He leading me? Is it wise?

Transparency

The lack of action that others see in my life is due to fear.

I think all self-inflicted pain is created from fear.

It is easier to sit under pain for fear of hurting someone else than it is to preserve yourself.

It is bad enough that I do not have a functional car. But the reason I missed this particular event had nothing to do with a car. I might've been able to get a ride if I reached out. This was not where fear had been so intrepid. No, I value my time off and the freedom to flow around and do what I think is necessary on a day off.

The problem is, Sunday is not a day off. It is a working day for me this week. I will have to leave for work in around 12 hours. Working Sundays create treacherously long weeks and I have six of them up until now.

The fear that is under my skin is not fear of doing bad work on my required Sunday or the days that follow. The fear is whether I can move beyond my current situation and survive. More importantly, can I swing for the fences and thrive.

But I am not afraid of proving myself or the work to get there. I have faced off those demons before and defeated them.

I will relish the journey if the payoff is good.

I am scared to death of the gaps. Will I survive? Will I land on my feet? Will I get buried alive? Who will save me should I fail?

Yet God has a plan.

I try to absorb as much wisdom as I can from His Word. I don't always understand His Word, let alone how to apply it.

The pain of not knowing is what I must face down and take another swing for the fences and stand on the rock of the Word of God. 

Today

The pain of not having adequate transportation is still present, today, nine years later. 

How do I deal with it differently today, than I did back then?

Some tools for the artist in distress

• Take a breath
• This problem can be solved 
• Cost is in God's wheelhouse, he has millions of unforeseen methods to get wealth to you
• Do what is in your hand
• Who can you reach out to for help?
• Be teachable
• Come up with a plan
• Create thought experiments to mitigate this from happening again
• Trust God with the outcome
• Do some art

Resolve

You can get through the pain of not having. You can solve the problem. Just don't do it alone. Without trouble you would have no inspiration for your art. That tension allows you to God and yourself differently.  So, today, resolve to be a problem solver. Resolve to learn what you can. You are more than your problem and you have much to do beyond this momentary trouble.

The First Mile

As the sun rises, you check off your first two items in preparation for your big race: 1. Appropriate gear: running shoes and a light-weight tank top and short shorts 2. Stretches. Then, you start to mentally prepare for the race ahead. In the 5K race (3.1 miles) which is a typical cross-country course, you begin to think about your tactics for competing in the race. With your art job or assignment you begin to think about the stages it will take to complete your project. What are the tactics of runners that will help you win/finish your art project successfully?

Frame Of Mind.
There are always good ways to run your race and bad ways to run it. You want to consider your options before you put your foot on the start line. I was always a slow runner. I am naturally contemplative. I like to think a lot. I was never the fast one, but I always finished the race running. I won a couple of ribbons in competitions, but mostly I just ran. That was because I could focus on the finish line.



Run In Stretches.
What I recommend is what I learned from those cross country days--consider the race as a whole. You need to keep your legs moving and your mind on the race. You need to consider each mile completed as a separate achievement. Gradually increase your speed as you go. Do not become stagnant in your competition. Eventually push yourself to your top speed at the end.

The Long-Distance Commitment.
What I do not recommend is darting off the start line at 100 yard dash speed. I know runners from my cross country years in high school who completely missed the point of running a race. They completely overlooked the fact that foot races are a long-distance commitment. When the gun goes off they would sprint off the line for the first mile. Often these guys were more fit than me. They were often taller and thinner. In my opinion, better equipped than myself to run these long distances. These "jack rabbits" as we called them may have put a good scare on the competition, initially, but then they burned out quick. What good is that in a long distance race?

Conclusion.
Consider your art project as a long-distance race. Some may in fact be very short term in the scope of your life, but art is a discipline like any other sport. I am recommending that you look at your project in stages or in stretches. Think through and prioritize your process in a plan (a later post). You want to keep your project moving. Consider the pace that you need to keep to be strong in every stretch of the race. There will be times that you can relax your pace, but there will also be times to surge ahead. The best tact that I have learned is to pick short goals and to seek to surpass them quickly. You are in a race, so you can't slow down. Keep this in mind as you figure out how to win your prize for finishing your art project.

Stuck In Time

There is so much that needs to be done. Lord help me to build new disciplines into my life. Help me win the battles against the sins in my life...

This was my journal entry from Friday. This is a hard prayer to pray. Often I look to earthly systems to solve my time management problems. Often times they fail to address the problem accurately. Being candid about this is hard. Even harder on the internet where everyone can see it.

You Are Not Alone.
I know I am not alone in trying to find time for everything. Its just not possible. I have many dreams and goals. Many you won't hear about for a long time. It's just not time. But really I want my friends, family, co-workers, and fellow artists all over the world to take solace in this: Priorities are hard to figure out. Because we just don't work, eat, drink, and die there is no straight path on this route.






Consider These Ways To Manage Your Time.
This list is what I have figured out so far. Hopefully these lessons will help you evaluate your situation.

1. Journal daily if possible as a record of accomplishments and failures.
2. Don't put off today what needs to be done today.
3. Ask for help as often as possible.
4. Don't overburden yourself with creative goals that are well beyond your reach at this time. Write them down, draw them, and come back if God allows.
5. You won't always know your limits, but you can tell at the end of the day if you overdid it or not. Try not to go back on that road if possible.
6. Stick to your plan. Refuse to let others distract you if you have a goal in mind. Take criticism of your plan with a grain of salt.
7. Try time management tools, but don't sell out to just one. They all have their benefits and setbacks.
8. Pray and ask God for help.

Conclusion.
You are a unique individual. Let your life form organically. No one can really understand all that you are trying to accomplish. Keep getting back on the time management horse as often as you fall off. In the end you will find time working to your benefit instead of against you.