I am sitting at my computer at 12:35 am on a Sunday morning.
I am feeling distressed due to the inability to participate in a local painting event through the Central Ohio Plein Air group.
At age 36 I still have anxiety about making the right choices. I am particularly sensitive as to whether God has approved or ordained my decision. Is He leading me? Is it wise?
Transparency
The lack of action that others see in my life is due to fear.
I think all self-inflicted pain is created from fear.
It is easier to sit under pain for fear of hurting someone else than it is to preserve yourself.
It is bad enough that I do not have a functional car. But the reason I missed this particular event had nothing to do with a car. I might've been able to get a ride if I reached out. This was not where fear had been so intrepid. No, I value my time off and the freedom to flow around and do what I think is necessary on a day off.
The problem is, Sunday is not a day off. It is a working day for me this week. I will have to leave for work in around 12 hours. Working Sundays create treacherously long weeks and I have six of them up until now.
The fear that is under my skin is not fear of doing bad work on my required Sunday or the days that follow. The fear is whether I can move beyond my current situation and survive. More importantly, can I swing for the fences and thrive.
But I am not afraid of proving myself or the work to get there. I have faced off those demons before and defeated them.
I will relish the journey if the payoff is good.
I am scared to death of the gaps. Will I survive? Will I land on my feet? Will I get buried alive? Who will save me should I fail?
Yet God has a plan.
I try to absorb as much wisdom as I can from His Word. I don't always understand His Word, let alone how to apply it.
The pain of not knowing is what I must face down and take another swing for the fences and stand on the rock of the Word of God.
Today
The pain of not having adequate transportation is still present, today, nine years later.
How do I deal with it differently today, than I did back then?
Some tools for the artist in distress
- Take a breath
- This problem can be solved
- Cost is in God's wheelhouse, he has millions of unforeseen methods to get wealth to you
- Do what is in your hand
- Who can you reach out to for help?
- Be teachable
- Come up with a plan
- Create thought experiments to mitigate this from happening again
- Trust God with the outcome
- Do some art
Resolve
You can get through the pain of not having. You can solve the problem. Just don't do it alone. Without trouble you would have no inspiration for your art. That tension allows you to God and yourself differently. So, today, resolve to be a problem solver. Resolve to learn what you can. You are more than your problem and you have much to do beyond this momentary trouble.
